Boy, I woke up from a dream that freaked me out at first, but once I sat with it and digested, it became less scary.
I had a dream that I was carrying around and sleeping with a dead, gutted, rotting corpse of a white-tailed doe. I knew it was bad and unhygienic and that I could get sick from it, but I did it anyway, until the very end of the dream when I finally got rid of it. When the flies started staying on me is when I did the right thing.
Given that deer represent joy and gentleness to me, I was a little freaked out.
White-tailed Deer also represent Persephone (and Hades) to me, so I was thinking maybe this was a message from Her, especially as it's about time for Her Descent. For me:
- White-Tailed Deer = Persephone and Hades
- Reindeer = Elen of the Ways
- Red Deer = Artemis
- Elk = Algiz Rune Spirit
Persephone often takes the form of a Doe for me. This time of the year, She appears as a half dead, half living doe in various stages of decomposition, until She finally fully crosses over into the Underworld, joining a zombie-looking skeletal stag Hades.
I was thinking about the dream. Clearly it had something to do with mental or physical health and me doing something that I know is bad for my health, but doing it anyway.
Then I started seeing The Death card in this dream. Me holding the keys to my own cage.
So I got out my pendulum and starting talking to my Guides. They said yes to the mental health. Lately I've been consuming a lot of negative videos on Youtube. I like to watch True Crime and Police Body Cam videos. I avoid certain topics and subjects, but all of the pedo videos are making me very Judge Dredd-y--just put a bullet in their head--the ones who're acting on their urges, the ones who're caught in the act, the ones who're definitely guilty. This Judge Dredd thinking extends to other violent criminal caught in the act. Like, why are we wasting taxes on them? Our prisons and jails are overflowing. Just fuckin Judge Dredd them.
Or how we need to stop protecting corrupt Judges and Prosecutor. That even cops are upset with these motherfuckers giving slaps on the wrist to violent criminals and pedos, who then go back out and hurt more around and take innocent lives. The Judge and Prosecutors aren't held accountable because of legal protections.
Then the BS political ads in between where the AI voices speak in corny scary spooky voices to demonize the other side and how stupid people are to fall for it.
Or how we need more mental health hospitals--too many families are stuck with violent mentally ill family, and too many are slaughtered by them!
Or how alcohol needs to be made illegal--it's worse then weed! But its still legal, and people are dying everyday because it. But nah, weed is the real killer.
Make it make sense. Our world is so corrupt. The rich are powerful, and fuck the rest of us.
Perhaps not the best thinking for a Priestess to have, as I'm supposed to be holding myself to a higher standard (I am human and this outrage is normal), but our legal system is a fuckin joke. I've been consuming a lot of these videos and it's definitely not great for my perimenopause or mental health. Deer represent gentle joy to me, and I was carrying around a gutted, rotting doe. My gutted joy and gentleness.
Overindulgence.
A different kind of addiction--drama, pain, shock, trauma, rage, sensationalism.
Shadow Work never ends. Time to take a break from this kind of content. Refocus on joy and gentleness. Rage is sacred, but it's not good for me during this time and I'm in no position to fight and work with groups and organizations to fight for changes; I can only give my support. As my Kindred have stated this year, I need to focus on my art, my books, my deck, and spirit work (keep it local). I have been doing art work nearly everyday--mostly merfolk art. Realizing that some types of merfolk are Tricksters, and I've been exploring that energy as I do my digital art. Getting into the minds of each merperson--their habitats, their forms, colors, hunting styles, etc--trance work, too. Merfolk, of any kind, can absolutely be tied to Shadow Work--Water, Emotions, Deep Depths, Healing, Mimicry, Survival, Beauty, and a lot more.
The dream also had something to do with not wanting to let go of something I love, no matter how bad it is for me. For a while, I've been thinking about reconnecting with my dad's side of the family. I even rejoined FB to test the waters and do so from a safe distance. Whenever I think about attending a family gathering, Medusa shows up. Silence and in shadow so I can't see or read Her face.
In times past, when I'd get sentimental about my dad, Medusa would show, full of emotion, commanding that I never forget what that pedo POS did to me. Reminding me that he doesn't deserve my love or sympathies. And now when I see Her standing in shadow in front of that side of the family, it's a reminder of what many of them did when I cut him from my life. How mean some of them became. Time's passed and people are allowed to change, but I don't know if certain behaviors should be forgiven, even if they show remorse for their toxic actions.
Also not all family on that side deserve to be blacklisted. I'm still in contact with a couple of cousins, just not my aunts and uncles.
I did a reading yesterday, after my Midkid saw a spirit yank down a laundry basket from the top of the dryer. It was Medusa. Her message was to be cautious and remember my self-worth. Pull out the energy swords if need be and show them who I am with that energy. To let them know that I'm not going to be bullied and gas lit. Even if its just me remembering that I'm a grown ass adult who can leave a situation anytime I want. I'm not trapped anymore.
I think this dream is also hitting on that--being able to see when its time to let go of family. That Doe was dead and rotting--She was my past. Let her go. Let her return to the earth. Move on.
Thank you, Kindreds, for the message, warning, and guidance.
And thank yall for the support!
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Face to the Sun.
Trust in Joy.
Follow the Deer Trods and Bubbles...
- Priestess Foxlyn