Nathan Jacen October 2011 Like many months, October is a month full of Awareness', such as Dyslexia and Breast Cancer. It's also Pregnancy and Child Loss Awareness Month, which I know in some places, mentioning that you've had a miscarriage can get you into serious legal trouble, which is absolute horseshit. Too many people continue to suffer in silence, afraid or perhaps not knowing that there are resources to help them grieve--yes, even non-Christian and secular resources (which were very few or non-existent in some places; in general having these resources are relatively new). This October will mark the 12th year of the miscarriage of my son, Nathan Jacen. Since 2015, every October 15th I've been participating in the Wave of Light . I don't even know if it still happens anymore, but just in case someone out there is still lighting their candle at 7pm, so do I. I'm also not sure who started this day, as I discovered it through Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep ...

Ain't that a metamorph for a Cycle Breaker's journey with Ancestral/Generational Healing? This is one of my favorite Willow Tree figurines, Beautiful Wishes . Sits on our Ancestral Shrine (calla lilies can be associated with death). Due to moving over the years, she was already missing a couple of calla lilies. Today, I accidently knocked her out of the cabinet and she broke. Pieces violently flew everywhere. She and a single lily landed in the recycling. I nearly cried! Calmed myself, took a look at the damage, and grabbed the Goop.   I fixed her and made her more stable. She will be, once the glue dries, which, like healing, will take some time. Decided to leave off the single lilies, at least for now. Just like what I'm doing with my family. It's kinda of broken and sad. I've taken a look at the damage and reflected and planned. Been workin to heal and stabilize, making it stronger than before.

I saw this meme this morning and it got me thinking... I do this with my Shadows, too. I see them both as Wounded People and wounded parts of me that need to see that failure is okay and so is trying. I've had to work for all of my skills and knowledge--nothing came easy. If I let my Shadows bully me out of trying, I don't even know that I'd be here today. For me, it helps to see these Shadows as separate people, while knowing that they are me, too--they're not my enemy, just parts of me in need of healing and friendship. Hm, what to name my Imposter Syndrome, other than Imposter? I usually just see all of those people--mostly family--who said that I was too stupid, weird, crazy, fat, or just couldn't do things because of my neurodivergence's or traumas.  I also see the art teachers and peers at Wright State University who said that my work was mediocre and that I had no business being in the art fields.  I did have a couple of great art teachers, though.  One ...