On the 17th, I performed the Reindeer Ritual with my virtual grove, which overall went really well.  On the 20th, my family and I did our Yule Eve stuff, and gave offerings to our Winter, Solar, and Hearth deities.  We thanked and said goodbye to Krampus and gave carrots and oatmeal to the Yule Goat and Tomte. Come Solstice morning, the kids tore through their stockings to see what the Yule Goat and Tomte brought them, and then we did our gift exchanges.  After a nap, I attended the Three Cranes Grove's Heliogenna, which honored the Hellenic Sun, Helios.   Rev. Dangler fire scrying for the omen.   Which was a message about rekindling our fires so we can help others do the same within our communities. In the evening, after a feast of hearty beef stew and chicken nuggets (for the picky eaters), it was time for the family's favorite ritual--Reindeer Mother.  Usually we make sun masks and dance with our jingle wands to raise energy, and even make rein...

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of my mom's death.  Weird, feels longer than that.  I guess, because of our rough relationship, it has been longer. Grief and Healing aren't linear.  They are a spiral, a tangle, a mess of emotions and memories.  Sometimes I'm fine, sometimes I'm not, sometimes I'm at peace. Sometimes I'm mad, sometimes I'm understanding. Over the last few weeks I've allowed myself to be angry.  I've explored that anger a little bit. I've allowed myself to be numb, too.  I've allowed that numb to make me rest.  A grey bubble of protection.   Silence.  I've allowed myself to be cradled by the silence.   Hagalaz. Thurisaz. Protective shelters from the storm.   Not a bad storm.  Just a storm.  Neutral energies.  Increase of spirit activities.  Anticipation.  Fears.  Expectations.   Just storms moving through. Isaz.  Stop.  Take shelter.  Rest. ...

To all mothers and other parents who may not use ‘mother’ for their kids. To the Kindreds, too! Happy Mother’s Day to Vestia, Hekate, Frigg, and Loki! I made a Memorial Book for my mom via Shutterfly. It arrived yesterday and it’s huge. I wanted a large photobook for some of the pictures, but I didn’t realize that it was THAT BIG. The thing extends about 1.5 inches from the book shelf. I guess she won’t be blending in with the rest of the photobooks. Fitting for a diagnosed narcissist, I guess. It arrived yesterday. I hadn’t planned on getting it around this time. I made it a few months ago, but with Shutterfly discounts and gift cards, I was able to get it and a memorial ornament for $85 and I got my youngest his baby book for $0. I wasn’t as excited for my mom’s book, as I am my son’s baby book (which I wasn’t able to make when he was a baby, like I did with his brothers. Instead of 0 to 6 months, his book is 0 to 6 years). I’ve made a baby book for each kid, which includes mundane, ...

 Howdy Friday the 13th, yall!   I hope the month has been gentle. I'm still here, although not posting as often.  December's are exciting and fun, but also heavy with grief for me.  I've been working on being present for myself and with my family.  Focusing on living our paganism and prepping for the 12 Days of Yule...although technically, Yule is all December for us.  December's are usually full of rituals and activities.   Course last year, after my mom's death in October, I was watching A Christmas Story Christmas 10 or more times a day, everyday for two months.  Spoiler alert , Ralphie's dad dies in the beginning, and Ralphie tries to make Christmas super special, but in the end realizes that you don't need all those traditions and activities to have a great holiday.  Sometimes less is better, especially when you're mourning.  I've been keeping this in mind. Last December was a month of joy and grief.   This Dece...

I practice Ancestral Veneration all year long. For me, a handful are usually around year round. Around this time and around May, the spirit activity amps up as more spirits come to visit and also seem to have more strength in how they let us know they're around.  This year, I did something a little different to honor my mom...which is weird to say because she and I had a really rocky relationship and she doesn't even have a place on the Ancestral Shrine. At the same time, my mom wasn't a gamer, but was a great designer who was proud of her house. I think she might appreciate this more, me recreating her house in Sims 4.  Instagram Making this house was really important for my grief work, too. Regardless of my relationship with her. Obviously it being Sims 4, nothing is exact, especially those room measurements, nor do I have certain kits and packs. I doubt that I'll move Sims into this house, but it is saved in my Library. I can "visit" and update whenever. Fi...

 Howdy!  Long time no post, although I have been active my Facebook .  Life's been day-by-day here.  My mom died back in October, and although she and I didn't have the best relationship (technically my grief journey with her started in 2020...well a little before that), it's hitting me harder than I thought.  Although I've been grieving a little longer than others, this is the finality, you know?  No apologies, no mending, me--once again--having to find closure on my own.  Listening to certain songs over and over....  Watching A Christmas Story Christmas over and over almost every day.  That movie's message was something that I really needed last month, except there weren't any surprise gifts under the tree on Yule or Christmas day.   With cPTSD and ADHD, I've struggled with insomnia for most of my life, but with this grief, I've been experiencing it more frequently than normal. I've made the decision that I'm in no mental or spiri...