To all mothers and other parents who may not use ‘mother’ for their kids.
To the Kindreds, too!
Happy Mother’s Day to Vestia, Hekate, Frigg, and Loki!
I made a Memorial Book for my mom via Shutterfly. It arrived yesterday and it’s huge. I wanted a large photobook for some of the pictures, but I didn’t realize that it was THAT BIG. The thing extends about 1.5 inches from the book shelf. I guess she won’t be blending in with the rest of the photobooks. Fitting for a diagnosed narcissist, I guess.
It arrived yesterday. I hadn’t planned on getting it around this time. I made it a few months ago, but with Shutterfly discounts and gift cards, I was able to get it and a memorial ornament for $85 and I got my youngest his baby book for $0.
I wasn’t as excited for my mom’s book, as I am my son’s baby book (which I wasn’t able to make when he was a baby, like I did with his brothers. Instead of 0 to 6 months, his book is 0 to 6 years). I’ve made a baby book for each kid, which includes mundane, medical, and spiritual information.
When I was pregnant with each kid, I was able to see their animal guides, all which left my womb with my kid. I have permission from those spirits to share. My eldest had a sea turtle (changed into a giraffe). Midkid had a dolphin (changed into a blue whale). My youngest has a purple kitsune. She was with me during that labor—as were the others, of course. She was more prominent than the others because of complications. There was something wrong with him and the docs didn’t know what it was. That kitsune guided me through it, helping me to tell the doctors that even though I wasn’t dilated enough, that I needed to push anyway. My baby was dying, and would die before the c-section. To my surprise, the medical team listened, I pushed, the kitsune left with him, and he came out with the cord wrapped around his neck. Despite not being fully dilated, he came out fairly easy. He still spent a month in NICU and needed CPR twice (34 week old preemie with bradycardia), but that purple kitsune was with him, which gave me comfort in whatever happened, he’d be okay. And he was. He’s a spunky, argumentative, dinosaur and fox loving 7-year-old today.
The baby book hasn’t arrived yet, but soon. In the meantime, there’s my mom’s memorial book.
She and I had a rocky relationship. She had childhood trauma that she often projected. When she retired, she became a Fafnir Smaug supporter with her domineering husband. She became racist against hispanic people—despite that she had a lot of hispanic friends at her old job—and a homophobe—despite that her godson was gay and her own daughter was pansexual and she’d often straightsplain to me how difficult it was to be gay, like I could just turn it off. (Neither she nor her husband liked when I asked when they chose to be straight, though. Totes a choice!)
Because she would know, right?
I had to lessen contact with my kids because she and her husband singled my boys out and bullied them (they were the only boys at that time and my mom/stepdad really tried to push toxic masculinity on them). Due to her being a dangerous alcoholic (she wanted to kill herself and didn’t care if she hurt/killed others), I had to do no contact with an ultimatum. She got her wish in October 2023 when she drank herself to death. Sadly, one of her sisters has been in denial about her drinking, and still blames other causes of death, despite what the coroner said. My mom was suicidal for many years, and chose alcohol and painkillers to take her life.
I was honestly relieved when I learned about her death because that meant that she couldn’t hurt or possibly kill others. And all the drama with her was over.
I was further along in my grief than others, because from 2020 to 2023, our relationship really suffered.
After her funeral, I tried hanging a picture of her on my Family Tree Wall, but I had to take it down because I still had a lot of anger towards her. I had to ban her spirit from entering my home, because when she did die, she didn’t realize it and came to me. I had to tell her she was dead, but I didn’t want her in my home. As she did in life, she ignored my boundaries—She kept trying, even appearing dead on my kitchen floor (she died in her kitchen), or appearing dead in my hallway trying to get into my office, like some spirit zombie. Eventually I was able to successfully remove her with help.
I spent a year grieving by watching A Christmas Story Christmas and Markiplier’s GTFO MEGA GOOP stream on repeat for months. I also had horrible insomnia for months, however it did eventually help me get on a normal sleep schedule, with the help of sleep aids.
I also endured family pressuring me to forgive her. I don’t feel the need to forgive her. I’m actually at peace. Still at peace. I’ve learned that no, you don’t need to forgive for yourself—for your own healing. Years ago, I had forgiven myself for how I treated myself due to the abuse from my dad. But I didn’t forgive him. I forgave me. Apologized to me for keeping the peace as I suffered. At the time, that was needed.
But my mom situation was different. Instead of enduring the abuse to keep the peace, I stood my ground, enforced my boundaries, and protected myself and my children. I didn’t need to forgive or apologize to me. Instead I thanked myself for that strength and courage.
You don’t have to forgive your abusers to heal. I did nothing wrong and didn’t need to forgive myself either. No one listened and I don’t need them to. They can figure their own guilt out. It’s not up to me to make them comfortable. I am comfortable with my decision.
A few months later when I started working on the Memorial Book, I asked my kids if they wanted pictures of grandma on the Family Tree Wall. They did. I found pictures them together before everything went to shit.
I don’t feel anger when I look at those three photos hanging on our wall.
In March, I gave up my office so my eldest would have his own room. I gave him my mom’s old dresser that she wanted to give him. Before I wasn’t going to do it. But time had passed and I no longer felt resentment towards her. The dresser had been cleansed of her energies and memories, replaced by my own. No harm in giving it to him.
Yesterday, the Memorial Book arrived. I included lots of pictures from her childhood, up through the years, until her funeral. I included Glimmers…and at the end of the book…with a warning page and a band around those pages…her Triggers and Traumas. I don’t believe in forgetting the abuse—letting it die with people. I believe in honesty. As I’ve said in the past, I’d be pissed if I learned that I named my child after a monster. On our family tree, if I know an ancestor’s toxic traits and/or crimes, I include them. Our descendants deserve to know the history and the truths about their ancestors. The Glimmers and Triggers. Accusations, allegations, first hand experiences, truths.
To the Kindreds, too!
Happy Mother’s Day to Vestia, Hekate, Frigg, and Loki!
I made a Memorial Book for my mom via Shutterfly. It arrived yesterday and it’s huge. I wanted a large photobook for some of the pictures, but I didn’t realize that it was THAT BIG. The thing extends about 1.5 inches from the book shelf. I guess she won’t be blending in with the rest of the photobooks. Fitting for a diagnosed narcissist, I guess.
It arrived yesterday. I hadn’t planned on getting it around this time. I made it a few months ago, but with Shutterfly discounts and gift cards, I was able to get it and a memorial ornament for $85 and I got my youngest his baby book for $0.
I wasn’t as excited for my mom’s book, as I am my son’s baby book (which I wasn’t able to make when he was a baby, like I did with his brothers. Instead of 0 to 6 months, his book is 0 to 6 years). I’ve made a baby book for each kid, which includes mundane, medical, and spiritual information.
When I was pregnant with each kid, I was able to see their animal guides, all which left my womb with my kid. I have permission from those spirits to share. My eldest had a sea turtle (changed into a giraffe). Midkid had a dolphin (changed into a blue whale). My youngest has a purple kitsune. She was with me during that labor—as were the others, of course. She was more prominent than the others because of complications. There was something wrong with him and the docs didn’t know what it was. That kitsune guided me through it, helping me to tell the doctors that even though I wasn’t dilated enough, that I needed to push anyway. My baby was dying, and would die before the c-section. To my surprise, the medical team listened, I pushed, the kitsune left with him, and he came out with the cord wrapped around his neck. Despite not being fully dilated, he came out fairly easy. He still spent a month in NICU and needed CPR twice (34 week old preemie with bradycardia), but that purple kitsune was with him, which gave me comfort in whatever happened, he’d be okay. And he was. He’s a spunky, argumentative, dinosaur and fox loving 7-year-old today.
The baby book hasn’t arrived yet, but soon. In the meantime, there’s my mom’s memorial book.
She and I had a rocky relationship. She had childhood trauma that she often projected. When she retired, she became a Fafnir Smaug supporter with her domineering husband. She became racist against hispanic people—despite that she had a lot of hispanic friends at her old job—and a homophobe—despite that her godson was gay and her own daughter was pansexual and she’d often straightsplain to me how difficult it was to be gay, like I could just turn it off. (Neither she nor her husband liked when I asked when they chose to be straight, though. Totes a choice!)
Because she would know, right?
I had to lessen contact with my kids because she and her husband singled my boys out and bullied them (they were the only boys at that time and my mom/stepdad really tried to push toxic masculinity on them). Due to her being a dangerous alcoholic (she wanted to kill herself and didn’t care if she hurt/killed others), I had to do no contact with an ultimatum. She got her wish in October 2023 when she drank herself to death. Sadly, one of her sisters has been in denial about her drinking, and still blames other causes of death, despite what the coroner said. My mom was suicidal for many years, and chose alcohol and painkillers to take her life.
I was honestly relieved when I learned about her death because that meant that she couldn’t hurt or possibly kill others. And all the drama with her was over.
I was further along in my grief than others, because from 2020 to 2023, our relationship really suffered.
After her funeral, I tried hanging a picture of her on my Family Tree Wall, but I had to take it down because I still had a lot of anger towards her. I had to ban her spirit from entering my home, because when she did die, she didn’t realize it and came to me. I had to tell her she was dead, but I didn’t want her in my home. As she did in life, she ignored my boundaries—She kept trying, even appearing dead on my kitchen floor (she died in her kitchen), or appearing dead in my hallway trying to get into my office, like some spirit zombie. Eventually I was able to successfully remove her with help.
I spent a year grieving by watching A Christmas Story Christmas and Markiplier’s GTFO MEGA GOOP stream on repeat for months. I also had horrible insomnia for months, however it did eventually help me get on a normal sleep schedule, with the help of sleep aids.
I also endured family pressuring me to forgive her. I don’t feel the need to forgive her. I’m actually at peace. Still at peace. I’ve learned that no, you don’t need to forgive for yourself—for your own healing. Years ago, I had forgiven myself for how I treated myself due to the abuse from my dad. But I didn’t forgive him. I forgave me. Apologized to me for keeping the peace as I suffered. At the time, that was needed.
But my mom situation was different. Instead of enduring the abuse to keep the peace, I stood my ground, enforced my boundaries, and protected myself and my children. I didn’t need to forgive or apologize to me. Instead I thanked myself for that strength and courage.
You don’t have to forgive your abusers to heal. I did nothing wrong and didn’t need to forgive myself either. No one listened and I don’t need them to. They can figure their own guilt out. It’s not up to me to make them comfortable. I am comfortable with my decision.
A few months later when I started working on the Memorial Book, I asked my kids if they wanted pictures of grandma on the Family Tree Wall. They did. I found pictures them together before everything went to shit.
I don’t feel anger when I look at those three photos hanging on our wall.
In March, I gave up my office so my eldest would have his own room. I gave him my mom’s old dresser that she wanted to give him. Before I wasn’t going to do it. But time had passed and I no longer felt resentment towards her. The dresser had been cleansed of her energies and memories, replaced by my own. No harm in giving it to him.
Yesterday, the Memorial Book arrived. I included lots of pictures from her childhood, up through the years, until her funeral. I included Glimmers…and at the end of the book…with a warning page and a band around those pages…her Triggers and Traumas. I don’t believe in forgetting the abuse—letting it die with people. I believe in honesty. As I’ve said in the past, I’d be pissed if I learned that I named my child after a monster. On our family tree, if I know an ancestor’s toxic traits and/or crimes, I include them. Our descendants deserve to know the history and the truths about their ancestors. The Glimmers and Triggers. Accusations, allegations, first hand experiences, truths.
Yesterday, I felt closure.
Thanks for all of the Hearts, Follows, Subscribing, Purchases, Bookings, and Recommendations. I really do appreciate the support.
Trust in Sunna. Trust in Joy. Follow the Bees…
~ Priestess Foxlyn
I offer psychic readings if interested. I’m a Psychic Medium who can channel Deities, Spirits, and the Dead—human and animal. These entities may use pendulums, cards, runes, automatic writing/typing/drawing, possession, or energies to answer your questions. I accept venmo and trade. Click the link above for more information.
Readings will be offered on my Etsy soon.
Until then, you can email me at foxtorchphoto18@gmail.com
Trust in Sunna. Trust in Joy. Follow the Bees…
~ Priestess Foxlyn
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I offer psychic readings if interested. I’m a Psychic Medium who can channel Deities, Spirits, and the Dead—human and animal. These entities may use pendulums, cards, runes, automatic writing/typing/drawing, possession, or energies to answer your questions. I accept venmo and trade. Click the link above for more information.
Readings will be offered on my Etsy soon.
Until then, you can email me at foxtorchphoto18@gmail.com