I had an interesting dream. In it, my husband and I were changing around our home to move in our polyam partners (which we don't actually have yet--hubs and I are polyam, but due to the political chaos in our country, we're not looking for other relationships right now).
The dream was never sexual, just a lot of moving and expanding of our home, but I could feel all of the physical touches--like hugging or just brushing up against someone while moving furniture and boxes. As if my husband was hugging me--but at the time of this dream, he'd already left for work.
Then at the end, it got a little apocalyptic with more survivors joining and building tents and shelters connected to our home. It rained and none of us had rain flys--no one freaked out, we all had other chores to make this situation more of a safe home for everyone. We'd deal with the rain later.
The area changed, as all of us strangers came together to fortify walls for protection and build gardens for food, cellars for storage, stables for livestock, a shed for making yarns and cloth, and underground bunkers for safety.
It was a very in-depth dream, with intense sensations of physical touch. Loving, firm, and warm. The dream was just so realistic, it was really wild. I very rarely experience these kinds of dreams, and usually only with Deities. But all of the people within the dream, I didn't recognize as gods--that's not saying that they weren't. But some were Streamers that I watch and actors that I like. The only regular people in the dream were me and my family and my Best Friend and her parents, and her two friends. Yet every touch, even just a friendly pat on the back, felt real. All of us strangers coming together, no egos, power struggles, bigotry, or greed, just community wanting to work together and survive.
It was nice.
I was woken up from the dream from an text from an unknown number, saying that Spirit wanted them to contact me, to send me some love. That I was in need.
Random, but I appreciated it, and no this time it wasn't a scammer text, which is refreshing.
This month's full moon was BIG and POTENT--felt by many others in the community. Some folks were overwhelmed by it, but others had intense experiences, from trances to spellwork to whatever. Normally the full moon drains me, which doesn't help when my period syncs like it's done recently. Thursday's full moon did not. I wasn't full on energized, but I had energy to performs my sacral duties and numerous spell workings. Afterwards...
A pregnant black cat showed up on my deck (I've been feeding her cat food mixed with bone broth, and I'm hoping a friend can take her to the humane society later today).
Intense Spirit Activity in my home. At least one of them is an Ancestor, and one who walks with weight and vibration, but casts no shadow, and watched me sleep the other night. Unnerving for most who don't deal with as many spirits as I do, but I'm kinda used to it. Kinda has that Twilight Edward watching Bella sleep creepiness to it--but Spirits don't sleep, so.
That and we have layers of protection and powerful Guardians, so as long as the Spirit House Rules are followed, I don't care. As long as the rules are respected spirits are allowed to be in my home. Most of them are Ancestors and Allies. Everyone once in a while we get nomads and other visitors.
I also asked if they wanted anything, and they didn't. Which is also normal.
Yeah, just a really intense full moon that's still affecting me, my dreams, and my home. Is what it is--welcome to the deep spiritual world, yall. It's been nice, though. Lately I've been having a little bit of a a fallow period, in that I'm experiencing more silence than chitter chatter--which is normal and is healthy--humans need those breaks from entities.
Sometimes my spiritual life is very intense--well, intense to most people, but normal to me. Other times, I need a break, too, to just be whatever the hell "mundane and normal" are. Although I miss the usual intense spiritual tides of my life. It's where I feel I belong--more around these incorporeal beings. I've never fit into "normal".
Kinda having a Twilight Bella moment--where she believes that she was born to be a vampire. I feel her about not fitting into the human world. Not that I want to be a vampire by any means--I love being what I am--a Seiðkona and Völva.
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Although...
What kind of vampire? A mindless violent killer or an intelligent self-controlled one? Hive mind or individual? What are my strengths and weaknesses? Important questions to ask vampires who want to turn you--although you don't usually get to interview them--it's usually a horrific and traumatizing experience.
We ain't Daniel Molloy.
Normally I like scary vampires, not the romantic Twilight crystalline kind. 30 Days of Night vampires, Sinners vampires, The Strain vampires. Vampyr vampires. Dracula Untold vampires. Scary ass vampires, and yes Sinners vampires are scary! They're somewhat polite, happy, singing and dancing, while hunting your ass! That ain't scary to you?! That is soooo fucking creepy, what's wrong witchu? Even if you take away the musical aspect of that movie, they're still scary.
BUT if I am a vampire, I'd rather be more Twilight--more in control of myself with no sunlight sensitivity or other stupid/religious weaknesses, who could choose to drink animals instead of humans OR could choose to turn criminals into juice boxes. A Vampire Vigilante.
And also if I turned, would I stay obese? Or would I lose this stubborn weight finally and all the extra skin with it? If I'm going to be an immortal, I don't want to be obese--unchanged. Not that I want to be a creepy perfect Twilight porcelain doll vampire either. But then maybe body size don't matter to vampires?
Hm... The thoughts that spin around in my head.
Nah, not if it meant I might lose my connection to the Other. I'd rather keep my psychic, spirit shapeshifter, and witchy abilities...although what if being a vampire meant that my abilities were amplified? In a lot of vampire lore, leeches do have psychic and shapeshifter abilities.
Well, with my luck it'd be more like Sinners and I lose my connection to my Ancestors. Even with a hot Irish vampire leader and musician and other hotter vampire coven mates--No, thanks. I like my freedom and connections.
Enough about vampires.
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Anyway, I forgot what this post was about...oh yeah, the community dream. Which I honestly didn't derail that far from the community theme--I mean, all the Vampire Bard Remmick wants in Sinners is ancestral connection and community.
Going way back up to the dream, I understand the message, of course. The important of real physical connections to people, because it was very touch focused. Lately I've been disconnected from my loved ones, due to healing my sunburn and broken finger, and the general month-long fireworks in the area which trigger my cPTSD. I've been disconnected and dissociating by obviously watching a lot of vampire flicks and writing fictional stories. I think this dream was a sign to to not disconnect from my family. Like, "Hey! Time to unplug!" To not lose myself in fictional worlds and wishes. Like, there's work to be done here. I need to be here. I definitely don't fit in, but I'm needed here.
Until next post.
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