We finally got out to the lake on Saturday. The pop up tent that I bought just for this activity held up great against the strong winds. I swam with my long finned flippers for about 1.5 hours. My legs are sore, but it was great resistance exercise. Normally it's hard to get me out of the water--I can be in from dawn to dusk, and on into the night. My summer nickname was Orca for a reason. But after swimming with the flippers, I was out after 2 hours. Honestly, the only reason why I took the flippers off was because I could feel blisters forming on the tops of my feet, and I didn't want to risk an infection from the lake water. I was the only adult and the one who had to drive home (6 minute drive, but still). Hoping to go back at least once this week.
My 13-yr-old and I had an interesting conversation. He said something that I already expected, as he's always been more scientifically minded. He's an Atheist. We talked a little bit about what that meant in general and for him. He still believes in spirits and in psychic abilities, he just doesn't believe in the Gods, because he's never had proof. He's had a ton of spirit experience, just not god ones. One doesn't need to believe in the gods to celebrate the High Days, or experience spirits, or to be psychic. (Also most of his friends are also Atheist.)
I only asked him to be respectful, and vice versa.
I told him that I'd rather him be Atheist than Christian. He agreed. There's just too much hypocrisy and toxicity in that faith, especially these days. We also talked about how it's not all Christians--in fact, many are genuinely good people--we know many actual Christians. Unfortunately they get drowned out by the loud mouthed "White Jesus" bigots who use religion as a weapon. One of my big fears is my kids becoming the fearful, hateful, holier-than-thou kind (any kind of path, tbh), hurting people and spreading and teaching our descendants hate.
I'm a Cycle Breaker, and I want them to be, too.
When I was his age, I experienced spirits all the time. I also experienced gods--although in those years I didn't understand what/who they were until I was in high school. At the same time, there's nothing wrong with him seeing the Gods purely as archetypes and energies. Atheist Pagans are a thing, a few of my friends are Atheist Pagans. Maybe he'll stay an Atheist and maybe he won't. It's not my path, not my decision. I just hope he doesn't close his mind to the Other.
I've been a Pagan since I was 8-ish and a Witch since I was 10. I didn't have family or friends like me. I was Kindred Taught for a long time. One side of my family were largely Atheist and Agnostic, and the other side was predominately Christian--mostly protestant. I went to church sometimes, watched those Christian movies on holidays with my family, and attended Sunday School for a while. I never called myself Christian. When I was little, I didn't believe in their God--I was also scientifically minded, and knew, from the animal documentaries that I obsessively watched, that you needed a female to create life. You needed two parts--one male God created life? How? It boggled my young mind.
Probably didn't help that my abusive bigoted father was also Christian, and I hated him. For a long time, the type of Christian he was shaped my view of that religion (until I was able to move out and meet more people).
I've never experienced Jesus, but I have the Mary's and a couple of Angels in my life and I've even allowed Yahweh to possess me for one of His followers. But you don't need to be of a faith to experience those Gods and Spirits. Never once did any of them tell me to convert or condemn me. I'm a Conduit, my job is to serve the Other, regardless of what religion or culture They may be associated with. As long as Hekate approves, a telephone I am.
As far as I know, my brother's been an Atheist all his life, even when he had to attend a Catholic marriage counseling to marry his first wife.
Hubby's family are very devout--some more open minded and accepting than others. He hated Christianity. For many years he was borderline Atheist until his early to mid 20's when he became a Norse Pagan.
Perhaps this will be my eldest's path, or perhaps it's just a stepping stone? That's up to him to figure out.
Regardless of faith, I have a lot of hope for my kids. Regardless of beliefs, we're trying to raise emotionally intelligent, mature, compassionate, respectful, inclusive, brave adults. Yesterday we caught a glimpse of a potential future.
Yesterday my youngest came home upset because a big, older kid beat him up at the park (nothing serious, but still scary). His older brothers immediately ran to the park to confront this kid. Later they returned, not with bruises and blood or fear of the police being called...but with information.
When they ran to the park, it wasn't to beat that kid's ass. Nope. They, with their friends, investigated. Separately, they talked to both side's friends/witnesses and to the bully. Then they reported their findings to us and to the bully's grandma.
The bully used to be good friends with my Midkid, but about 2 weeks ago, Midkid ended the friendship because the ex-friend was too reactive and he always put hands on Midkid without consent. When he'd lose, he'd get violent towards my son (which I didn't know about until after). He also had rules that he expected other kids to follow, but not himself. My son was tired of it. Stood up to him and ended the friendship, with my eldest acting as a mediator.
Since then, the ex-friend's been mean, trying to provoke my kids into a fight. Yesterday, he went up to my youngest and asked if they were still friends. When my youngest said no, he beat him up. This kid's easily twice the size of my little one.
Although the bully and friends claimed that mine was name calling--my guides say that's a lie--but we pointed this out to the little detectives. More times than not, the friends are going to support their friends, even if that means lying to be the victim. So they have to learn discernment and how to take other things into account--known behaviors, witness statements lining up, your gut, etc--but these are skills that will come with experience.
Also, name calling is never a good reason to beat someone up. They're kids, they're learning, and we're teaching, trying to give em the best tools. I want my kids to know how to fight if they need to--but I'd rather them not need to. I'd rather them communicate first, if they can. That's a big rule that we've always taught our kids--self defense only if they physically harm you or someone in need first. We talked about what self defense is and isn't. Words are just words, they can hurt, but you don't give in and give the bullies what they want. My youngest deals with insults with "they're just talking about themselves! Not my problem." Don't let bullies have that control over you. Take away their pathetic, illusionary power by not dropping to their level. Ignore, walk away, tell an adult, and/or talk things out.
I was surprised and very proud of my kids. They did everything they were supposed to do, without violence. I'll admit, I was a little worried when the older boys ran out of the house, I was trying to get them to go tell the kid's grandma first. My kids also aren't violent, but this is the first time their little brother was beat up. I wasn't sure what to expect. They and their friends handled it well.
Conflict Resolution and Emotional Intelligence.
I grew up in violence. My husband didn't, but he was also the kind to beat up a bully THEN ask questions. We wanted better for our children and descendants, and those around them. We worked on ourselves and are doing our best to raise them to be better than our parents and us. I do believe that sometimes violence is needed, especially when dealing with bullies--kids or adults. Sometimes all a bully listens to is getting their ass beat, and other times it just makes things worse. Violence isn't always the answer.
Regardless of beliefs, compassion can be contagious too. The kids are out there Breaking Cycles.
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Thanks for the support.
Face to the Sun.
Trust in Communication.
Follow the Examples.
-Priestess Foxlyn