A month into the Pre-Clergy Program and last week, I finally got the motivation to start reading, studying, and doing the writings! I was hoping to get started right away, but then I got hit with ADHD and a little bit of Imposter Syndrome. That Imposter is just shadow work to explore. I explored it. My Imposter asked what did I have to offer to ADF or to anyone else? I was a poor speaker and a college drop out, who the hell could I help as a clergy person?
Good questions, honestly.
What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What could be improved?
I love writing rituals and I love performing them for my community. I love teaching folks about the Kindreds as I know and interact with Them, and passing on Their messages. I also know that my ritual writing needs a lot of work. I attend others rituals and pay attention and learn. I've taken writing workshops, ritual writing workshops, and I've read books. I practice writing and speaking to myself in the mirror.
I'm not the greatest public speaker and I don't think that I'll ever be, with my stuttering and neurodivergencies, yet I also keep doing it because I love it and also maybe to inspire other with speech issues and neurodivergences. We can do it, too. We can't turn it off, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't speak and participate and lead these things.
ADF also has a lot of great speakers and ritual leaders. And I have strengths in other areas, such as divination, energy work, protection magiks, holding space, and so on. I've participated in rituals where some members ritual jobs were protecting the space, holding the energy container, making sure attendees were safe and feeling okay. I also have a lot of occult knowledge that I can pass onto others. I try to be a good listener, too.
Outside of ADF, in my own independent Priestess work, I've helped a lot of people in different mundane and spiritual ways, too. I have a lot to offer, and I want to learn more. I want to be an efficient community leader and helper.
Friends in my groves have expressed and encouraged me through my fears in myself. They want me to keep working towards my goal, to join ADF's Priesthood.
Which also means that I need to work on my cussing.
When I'm working with people--be it as a photographer, spirit worker, psychic, or Priestess, I can turn it off. I still say hell and damn, but I don't really consider those to be cuss words. I even let my kids say hell. Hell's a place in Michigan, after all! I'm also a grown adult and should be able to cuss.
When I'm not working, I curse like a effin sailor!
But I'm also an adult and know that there's also a time and place for it.
And in the last couple of years--possibly due to grief, mourning, and stress, I've gotten worse--I've definitely gotten less disciplined about it. I've even been cussing a lot more here in my blogs. But I need to reign it back in. Especially if I want to be approved by the ADF Priesthood. Another self improvement I get to work on. I even made my reminder post-it on my monitor:
Work On Cussing!
Flip that switch when I'm interacting with my communities again. Hold myself to higher standard, which I've been doing since January 2022, for the most part...just not with my profanity. But that'll change, because I really care about this path. I really want to be an ADF Clergy Member.
---------
I've been paying attention to my cussing--catching and editing myself. I've realized that I cuss the most around my cat. In fact, my potty mouth has increased since we let her inside! And she's a cat, so cussing means nothing to her, heck she probably thinks one of her many names are: Asshole Cat, Bitch, Crazy Ass; No! No! Do not fucking do that!, and Fucking No. I say them mostly as terms of endearment, minus the last two, because when I want to hyperfocus and be alone and not wanting touch, Jimmy V's all up in my face--mostly with her butt or laying on my keyboard, messing up the PC and deleting things, and trying to attack the cursor on the screen. You know, cat stuff. There's lots of "I'm glad you trust me, but get cha ass out my face!"
There are times when she genuinely angers me, especially when I'm overstimulated, but she's also a cat. Like, she's gonna do cat stuff and not give a crap about my wants or understand when I don't want her around. Does any of my crying sound like "food" or "scritches behind the ears"? No, so she doesn't care.
Actually I think my temper has gotten a lot better, which is hilarious because my cussings gotten worse.
Now that I know that about myself, that's a big problem area to work on. Not that cussing is bad, but I cuss too much. I love my crazy, adorable Black Void, but Jimmy Ventress is a bad influence, lol (totally her fault, right? j/k). I mean, look at this furry Agent of Chaos. Freyja Sent ball of joy and frustrations. I fricking love her, gosh darn it.
I thought I'd share that with yall.
---------
Thanks for all of the support!
Face to the Sun.
Trust in Joy.
Follow the Foxes and the Bees...
- Priestess Foxlyn