Book of Mirrors...Self Portrait...
This year's biggest lessons have been Release and Being Present.
Normally this time of the year is super busy, but this year not so much. No stress, no rush. Granted, we haven't done as much as we usually do. Sometimes less is more, as a Christmas Story Christmas teaches.
Lots of changes and goals met this year:
- I passed the Dedicant's Path
- I finished my Sacred Wheel series
- I left all of Meta
- I tried and left Substack
- I decided to delete my personal blog of 14 years, Book of Mirrors
- I made huge changes to Hearth Fox Oracle, and potentially will make even bigger changes for 2026
- Fell in love with the movie Sinners
- After lots of research and talking to people, I fully accept my self diagnoses of Autism (but still plan on making it official)
- I'm finally not obsessed with political news
- Adopted a stray cat
- Got a library card
- Volunteered to lead 3 rituals for my online grove
- Listened to my body more than my ADHD and that "too much gene" that always wants to be busy
- Cut toxic relationships and rekindled old ones, despite the fears
- When I began to self loath, I looked at myself naked in the mirror and all of that self hate went away. I thanked my body for attracting my husband and birthing my children, and for keeping me alive and happy. I promised to keep on working on healing my mind to heal my body.
- I realized that being great at protection magik, also meant that I was great at good luck and healing magiks, and boy has my magik changed!
- I'm more patient with myself and others
- I'm more present than I used to be
- More forgiving of myself, less of a perfectionist
- Being more communicative
This year's biggest lessons have been Release and Being Present.
Normally this time of the year is super busy, but this year not so much. No stress, no rush. Granted, we haven't done as much as we usually do. Sometimes less is more, as a Christmas Story Christmas teaches.
Too much clutter leads to blurs. Too many memories can become nothing.
Less activities can lead to richer memories.
I focused more on my stories and our family traditions of Krampus, Yule Goat, and Reindeer Mother, and much much less of the various other deities and spirits. Me wanting to share all of the stories and traditions from other peoples, places, and spiritualities. Wanting to educate my kids...with waaay too much. Watch ALL the movies. Read ALL the books. Do ALL the things. Too much that sapped my limited supply of energy and spoons. I was usually pretty burned out by Yule or Christmas, yet I'd always keep on pushing to include it all.
This year I reflected on childhood Christmas and the simplicity of generational, already established holiday traditions vs many DIY pagan families still figuring out what traditions to keep from their old faith, what to invent, borrow, adopt? Arguing with others of our community and those "against us"--venting their confusion and frustrations--screaming what the OTHERS stole from our ancient pagan ancestors and misunderstood cultural appropriation. Spewing hate and anger, many who don't bother to read scholarly resources or history, just parroting the same old misinformation and misunderstanding of how traditions and stories work, only focused on a black and white world of us vs them.
Thankfully, I'd left those toxic online spaces, as they were only stunting my growth. I didn't want to be that person. I had children to raise, boys to turn into respectful, emotionally intelligent, kind, and smart adults. The next generation. I couldn't do any of that if I'd stayed that same old toxic person.
I stopped caring about the "old ways" and reclaiming traditions of my ancestors and faith. I focused on the present more. Sure I researched and tried things out. Sure I teach my kids some of what I've learned through books, trial and error. I don't care who approves of our traditions, or if it fits into the hearth culture or even American Paganism. I may be an American Pagan, but I don't care for American Paganism. As taught and encouraged by my Kindreds and Spirits, I trial and error. I do what I know and what makes sense.
Lately, I listen to my body. I still my mind. I do my best to be present in the here and now. Not lost in the past or overwhelmed by the future. Anytime my brain tries, I shut it down. The other day I was triggered by a police body cam I was watching on Youtube. It dealt with child and spousal abuse, and I noticed my body reacting, even though mentally I was okay. My body wasn't. My heart rate went up. I started feeling unwell. Anxiety started going.
So I turned off the video and I sat with my self. Reminding it that we're safe. I grounded spiritually, and via crochet. I took slow deep breaths, repeating calmly that we're safe--just look around, here now. I spoke to my Shadow Sister and my Inner Children. I put on stupid, silly, funny videos instead, like the Try Guys. Eventually my body trusted me and calmed down.
I've also started getting into the habit of reminding my anxiety who da fuck we is. Priestess, Daughter, Lover, Seiðkona, Völva for fuck's sake! I allow entities to possess me and then I can depossess myself without human help! By my mother fuckin self! We should own the fuckin room and take up space without stupid fears of rejection and embarrassment. Confidence boost and a reminder of WHO and WHAT I AM. I'm fuckin badass bitch!
My Shadow Sister and Inner Children need to trust us more. We are Healers and Protectors. We are powerful. We are not alone. We have many friends on the Other Side, and in this one, too. Fuck we gotta fear? Like 2015, I'm tired of my bullshit. Like 2015, I'm ready to Be the Change I want to see.
I can feel huge changes coming.
I know some of the anxiety comes from my neurodivergencies. Well, I worked for years to learn to live WITH my ADHD and learning disabilities, I'm doing the same with autism. Live WITH it--so many other Au-DHDers do and are fairly successful in their lives. I can, too. I'm tired of being controlled by What-ifs. But I'm handling with compassion and patience. Not with anger and self-loathing.
Heal the mind, heal the body.
What do I hope to accomplish in 2026?
- Publish one of my children stories
- Low-to-no Fast Food
- Low-to-no Sugary Drinks
- Low Coffee
- Less Internet
- Get a Vehicle
- Get a Part-Time Job
- Begin my Death Doula Training and/or ADF's Initiate Path
Continue doing what I'm doing with my progress.
I've got a family recipe for cabbage soup in the crockpot right now. I'm not stressing about getting the house deep cleaned by midnight. It's clean enough. Maybe tonight or some time this week, I'll do my 2026 Year Ahead Reading.
If you observe, Happy New Year. May you be safe. May this holiday be gentle.
Thanks for all of the support.
Face to the Sun.
Trust in Joy.
Follow the Bees...
- Priestess Foxlyn Wren