Honoring Your Anger

  Nov 1, 2025 - Message from Freyja:

"Honor your Angrboða--your anger, your grief, your "negative" human emotions--too.  They don't make you less grateful."

I just went through a really rough patch--October through November 12th.  Yes, even us clergy folk experience cycles of good and bad, ebb and flow.  No curses, no divine punishments, no whatever.  Sometimes shit just happens to good people.

I was feelin okay, taking everything in stride.  Accepting everything, because what else was I going to do?  Anger and sorrow weren't going to solve anything.  Just accept the shit and figure out the next steps. 

Around the 14th, I got hit with depression that just hung around, but the intensity didn't really change until the end of the month, of course.  That low point lasted until Tuesday, because it was just one thing after another.  A little bit a hope that was just crushed by more BS.  A little miracle suddenly squashed by pressure.  

I was just tired of watching scum and criminals being rewarded--I don't just mean the big wigs, I'm talking about shit people in my own life, too.  Just shit people doing shitty things and having a great life.  

Meanwhile, we're trying to do good and be good people and yet we're struggling hardcore.  No amount of magik and prayers or mundane actions are helping.  Me questioning what the fuck the point even is!  Except with our luck, if we stray to the other side, we'd get caught right away, right?  That's just how it goes.  Not that we would intentionally become scummy criminals.  It goes against everything I am.  But it's rough when you keep seeing that.  Bad being rewarded and good being punished.  I know it's not that black and white, but when you're deep in depression, you can't help but see it that way.

Although for the most part, I did challenge those bad thoughts.  I know the Kindreds are working behind the scenes helping us, too.  Helping us in a myriad of ways that I can't comprehend.  I'm eternally grateful for all of their help.

On Sunday or Monday, I was really down and really pissed off at the Gods.  Venting my rage and sorrow at Them.  Tired of struggling--we've been working on budgeting and this that and the other bad financial habits we have.  Not understanding why it seemed like the wicked were being rewarded and blessed, and why regular folks were shit on so much.  What was the point?  Is that just the natural order?  Cheaters and crooks succeed, while goody-two-shoes suffer?  Where was the real justice?  What the fuck is the fucking point????

During this rant, while we kept running into expensive walls (t was literally one thing after another,  fuckin sucked!), I also realized that my blood sugar was low and I needed to eat something.  I was hangry.

I ate and calmed down.  I reviewed our shitty situation.  I had done an emergency money spell and it did work.  We had all of the money we needed for this situation and its unforeseen events.  I wasn't expecting to get the amount we received, and after the math, I was hoping to use the leftover for Yule and charities...but that's not how I engineered my spell.  I engineered my spell to get us the right amount we needed for our emergency situation.  

Yes, we were hitting wall and frustration and crisis and bullshit, BUT we had the money to get us through it.  This situation took alllll of that money.  I was bummed...but we don't have to worry about two of our largest monthly bills this month either, and although out of pocket, I'm almost finished with Yule shopping before December, which doesn't happened to us (we follow the 4 gifts rule: want, need, wear, read--then if we have extra in the budget, we get a couple of little wants, too).  We're deadliners, which I hate.  Last year, the Yule Goat wasn't late, but mom and dad were, but the kids weren't upset.  Just mom and dad mad at ourselves about it. (The Yule Goat brings the stocking stuff, while us humans bring the best gifts.  We didn't want to deal with that dilemma of if Santa is magikal, why do some kids got awesome toys, and say poorer kids didn't--or why do brats not get coal or bad luck?  Why would Santa essentially punish poorer kids?  So the Yule Goat brings socks, undies, treats, and a little toy/activity.)

Then I found myself fighting the guilt and shame of raging at the Gods.  In times past, I've been pissed at the Gods and struggled hardcore with the shame that goes with that.  But this time, it was different.  I've been workin on myself.  I challenged my self-loathing, reminding myself that it was okay.  I'm human.  I have big emotions!

1. They can take it.
2. They don't take it personally.
3. They know I'm still grateful for everything good They bring into our lives.
4. The shame and guilt are leftover shadows from my childhood.  Anytime I had big emotions or just stood up for myself--was met with abuse and my parents telling me that I was ungrateful.  My family weaponized good things or just what parents are supposed to do for their children.  They'd weaponized that care that they're legally and by nature supposed to give.  They wanted me to be perfect, small, and submissive.  I wasn't, therefore I was a bad ungrateful child.  I was a savage.
   
   I knew that I was dealing with shadow work in the midst of all this.  That's how it goes, right?  Trials, tests, lessons.  Am I actually listening to Their teachings? 
   
   Okay, prove it.

Divination wise, I kept pulling a card about Honoring Myself.  I had no idea what it was referring to. Like, how I was handling everything?  Because for the most part it didn't feel like I was handling it well.  At first, yes, with the acceptance, but then I was hit with heavy, numb, and angry depression.  Although I did challenge my shadows and self-loathing and all that.  Is that was The Moon was talking about?  I was proud of myself for those things--standing up to my past traumas, to the shadows of my toxic family, and to myself.    But even on my bad days, my angry, woe-is-me days towards the end, The Moon was jumping from my deck.  

I wasn't getting it.

Come Wednesday, Freyja finally answered what that card meant.  

1. Marzanna - Cycles
2. Gaia - Perspective 
3. Angrboda - Grief and Anger

Especially on Angrboða.

Honor your big emotions, too.

"[...] she can be understood as an embodiment of the emotions that our modern society labels as negative. [...] anger, grief, sadness, and rage. How do you handle and process these emotions? Observe your emotions. Allow them to be, but do not get lost in them, do not dwell. They are guests, not residents." - The European Goddesses and Spirits Oracle Deck by Johanna Polle, pages 15-16

During this time, I was also revisiting Anger and Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh, because I needed to--I needed the reminders and the support. These emotions aren't inherently bad or evil--negative. They are normal responses to crisis. Sometimes they represent our hurt Inner Child and need to be treated as hurt children. They need to be honored. Acknowledged. Comforted.

Since then, I've been able to breath and relax. Life is, too. Just a little bump in the road of life.

And so I thank my big emotions. I thank the lessons. I exhale. I inhale.

Face to the Sun.
Trust in Joy.
Follow the Bees...

- Priestess Foxlyn