On July 16th, I attended an ADF ritual honoring Cernunnos. Rev. Vic guided us into the liminal space to meet with the wild God. This was my experience.
A meditation with Cernunnos, during which, my third eye kept tingling. Which is and isn’t unusual for me. Lately’s it’s been tingling during my seiðr studies, which makes sense. But also whenever I watch Sinners and doesn’t make sense. There’s weird spiritual connections going on there that I haven’t figured out yet.
Back to the guided meditation.
I became my Winged Reindeer self in my backyard, at the fence line. On the other side is my neighbors yard with a little pond that I often visit when I astral travel. As the Winged Reindeer Cow, I just stood them in the dusky evening, smelling the air. My back twitching from the bugs. I stretched my wings and settled them back.
The fence disappeared and I walked to the little pond. The fountain was bubbling. Frogs stopped singing as I got to the water’s edge. I could see insects moving on the water’s surface due to the distant light of the neighbors house.
I became a Bull Elk. I called and was joined by two other Bull Elks—who I am familiar with from other journeys. One on each side of me. I took a drink of the water—slow, deep, and cool to my throat.
Despite that I could’ve just walked around the small pond, I choose to swim across it instead. Walking through the yard, looking both ways before crossing the road, and into the cornfield.
I shifted back into my Winged Reindeer Cow self.
I stopped among the corn, and took in the scent—green and soil and the musk of lightning bugs.
I also noticed that it wasn’t no longer dusk, but now dawn and noon and twilight. Then the sky settled on a bright blue sky with cottony veil-like clouds. The sun had settled in the north, yet the sky didn’t reflect dawn, dusk, or twilight.
I think I called again. The Elks that walked with me were now behind me, a few hundred yards to my right. They answered.
To my left, a great Red Stag approached.
Cernunnos.
He mounted me 1-2 times, me shifting from a Reindeer Cow to a Bull Elk and back again. He put a golden seed into my womb, and “spoke” through images and emotions:
"Fertility in Body and Spirit."
An emphasis to "grow His seed" within me. Share the space with Shiva's seed.
He lovingly nuzzled me. For just a moment, Remmick flickered there again. Which Cernunnos telepathically communicated “FERTILITY in MIND and SPIRIT.” He nuzzled me one last time and disappeared. The other Bull Elk, too.
I turned around to return and I was met by Loki Fox. I offered to give Him a ride, and He did, shifting between Fox and humanoid. I traveled across the road, through the yard and pond, and back to the fence line where I started. We both shifted into our human forms. I wanted to ask about the weird Remmick and Sinners thing, but there wasn’t time, as Rev. Vic called us back to our bodies.
After the ritual, I did some divination because I know that Sinners is my new favorite thing, but I’ve had other favorite things that didn’t have some kind of connection to my spiritual life. Well, not always.
Basically the messages that I received during that reading were,
“Fun”
“Dionysus”
“Teacher”
Knowing when to persevere and when to call it quits.
Exploring my intense desire for community.
Taking a look at the character of Remmick, honestly the similarities between his intense obsession for a connection and my own strong desires for a local community—I can see the lessons there. There have been times in the past where I’ve sacrificed my safety and comfort for toxic communities that I thought that I wanted because I was just so alone. I ignored redflags and allowed myself to be used and abused by those people, because I wanted friends so badly. I wanted community, while also praying that I could be okay with being alone.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a community, of course, but there are boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed.
I’ve known for a while of the shadow work and root healing that I’d have to do eventually. I know some of the roots, but I was waiting for my guides to give me the okay to move forward with this journey.
Here we are. Soon I’m going to take a journey with a fictitious vampire and a Linimal Deerman and a God of Destruction, through the Black Mirror Marsh where injured roots writhe and twitch like tentacles just below the surface.
Next day, July 17th, I saw so many deer! Deer, other than connected to Reindeer Mother, Elen of the Ways, Persephone, Artemis, and Cernunnos, also represent gentleness and overall very good things for me.
No doubt this journey will be difficult—shadow work always is—but I’m looking forward to it. I want to make good choices in the future and not be so desperate for friends and community, that I’m sacrificing my health and joy for it.
Thanks for all of the Hearts, Follows, Subscribing, Purchases, Bookings, and Recommendations. I really do appreciate the support.
Trust in Sunna. Trust in Joy. Follow the Bees…
~ Priestess Foxlyn