After my last post, I decided to follow these waves of change that I’ve been feeling, just going with the flow. I’ve been going back and forth for months about whether or not I wanted to delete a blog that I’ve had for 14 years. A site that was my safe space, where I could go and talk about whatever. A place that I really put a lot of effort, love, and care into. A place that I’ve done a lot of healing and growing. A place that’s helped me come across a lot of cool and interesting people, and learn from those people.
A place that I no longer need.
After I left Facebook in August last year, and then the rest of Meta in November, closing accounts just got easier. Weights that I didn’t realize I was carrying were lifted. I missed some aspects, but overall I didn’t miss it. The stress, the doom scrolling, the trolls, inconsistent rules and standards, fighting algorithms—I realized just how bad it was for my mental and physical health! One of the best decisions of my life was deleting those accounts. Wishing that I had the courage and drive to do it sooner!
Yes, there was a period of grief for lost friends, communities, business opportunities, and resources, and yes that inner addict was angry and feelin hurt, but I honored my emotions, I explored the whys, and I grounded and moved on.
The feelings of loneliness were absolutely immense! I experienced depression and a little bit of self gas lighting and self loathing, but it was thankfully short lived.
Yesterday I posted a Farewell on my Book of Mirrors and Druidry Blogspots, to delete those blogs on April 1st—my day of honoring the Tricksters and Their powerful ways of destroying and healing. I just don't feel like fighting with bots, algorithms, confusing censorship rules, trolls, and all that shit. It’s exhausting. No good for the mental health.
Like I said in my Farewell post, I don't want to live life on a screen anymore.
While I was at it, I also deleted my StoryGraph and my Pinterest. I thought about deleting more accounts, but as of right now, they’re still useful to my journey. A couple things at a time.
It’s like when I cut abusive toxic family members out of my life—it’s always hard, especially those first couple, but as you heal and find your voice…as you find yourself—your worth—and become more confident in your decisions, it gets easier to prune the dead and sick leaves.
More adjustments to make. Getting used to the boredom. ADHD wants to be doing something all the time, but the body just wants to rest. Dealing with a neurodivergent brain and an exhausted body sucks. Tired brain, too—just because ADHD is constantly going don’t mean my brain ain’t tired, too!
Adjustments as I unplug more and more.
A gray period. A static period, before I find that connection. Figure out what to do when I’m not on my computer (I don’t have shit on my phone on purpose—I used to be phone addict. Well, I have music on there, but it’s all pretty basic. Music, camera, text, phone). I have loads of hobbies I could be doing and essays I could be writing. Art that I could be arting. Exercises that I could be exercising. ADHD brain, you know, I got problems with executive dysfunction. So sometimes I just sit there…bored, and learn to be comfortable with that. Sometimes I hyperfocus on things and other times I struggle to do anything at all. The struggle to not jump on the computer. It’s a process that I’m working through. I got myself an uncomfortable desk chair to help with the process.
Normally the Other is quite chatty, but lately, They’ve been pretty quiet, but my intuition and ability to hear Them has gotten stronger. I guess They’re a little quieter because They don’t have to shout to get my attention so much anymore? Or They’re just sitting back and letting me transition. Letting me sit and get to know this static.
This gray neutral space.
Again, Hearth Fox Oracle Blogspot and Substack aren't going anywhere at the moment; I'm only deleting my Book of Mirrors and Druidry blogs.
Just…breathe and follow the Bees…
~ Priestess Kristy "Foxlyn" Tackett
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